_ Sometimes, I just want my writer voice to shut up. And this after all of the effort I make to let it come through. It can be a whole process at times, making myself relax, clearing my mind of distractions and doubts, letting myself write unfiltered, uncensored, finding my way through those messy, overgrown forests I’m afraid to visit anywhere other than the page. And then, at times, that voice I called for comes through, and all I want is for it to shut the hell up.

For as much as I talk about the power of storytelling, I still have my moments when I’m ashamed of parts of my own story. The idea of vulnerability keeps coming up for me lately, which, well, sucks. I don’t like it one bit, but I guess instead of trying to fight against it, all I can do is try to learn from it. As an abuse survivor, I know there’s no reason to spend time wishing I could erase parts of my story. I’m proud of where I’ve been, as it was all part of the path that brought me to where I am today. I know this already. It can just take some practice to keep it in mind, even in the vulnerable moments.

It’s Black History Month, and I wonder what kind of history children are learning in schools. Some would want to alter or avoid those parts of our history that include the worst of our struggles. I’d never want to shortchange our children like that, so in the same way I won't shorten my own history. These, too, are survival stories.

Today is Wellness Wednesday – support, fun, food, and art at CUAV for LGBT survivors of violence (see CUAV’s website for details). There, survival stories are parts of our journeys. They bring us together. They remind us of our strengths.

I'm way behind, but I finally saw the movie Pariah. It focuses on a young black lesbian who lives in Brooklyn and writes poetry, so you might say that it’d be hard for me not to love it. But the writing and acting are superb, and it’s been getting rave reviews from other people, too.  

I love the poetry in the trailer below. And I think it relates to the vulnerability that’s been coming up for me lately. “I am not broken. I am free.”