I know. Crazy.
It's much easier to find themes in high school English class, though, when you're reading some work that was crafted with a writer's intention, that's been analyzed for years, and your ideas about theme can fit neatly into one of the five paragraphs in an essay. It doesn't quite work out that way in life. Sometimes, themes appear in the form of many questions, without any answers. Sometimes, a word or a phrase keeps coming up, and you don't know why, so the only question you can come up with is "what's the point?" Sometimes, multiple themes seem to arise at once, and they don't always work well together.
I'm in one of those moments of conflicting themes. I can appreciate the space it leaves me in, a place of exploration and asking questions that might not even need to be answered.
The first theme is longing. Yesterday I saw an incredible movie, "Pina." The film shows the work of legendary choreographer Pina Bausch. Pina died in 2009, but she'll never really leave this earth, not after bringing so much passion and expression to the world.
"What are we longing for?" Pina asked her dancers to answer this question, though not with words. Their dancing reminds me that themes aren't always found in words, but also in movement, in expression, in those moments when our voices are silent but our bodies illustrate what's left unsaid.
The other theme of the moment for me is quite different from longing. I keep encountering the statement I am enough. What does this mean for me?
Maybe these themes aren't so contradictory. In a way, I believe I'll always be longing for something, which doesn't have to mean perpetually falling short or failing to reach something. It only means there will always be passion pushing me forward.
But I am enough, even while longing. I am like a dancer, expressing my longing with every muscle, every breath, every stitch of my being, reaching for everything I hope for, until at the end of the day, I settle into my skin, alone in my body, and I am enough.